Wrath of the Cereal Monster: Book Preview

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Renodox · #1 Post by **Renodox** » Thu May 25, 2006 9:19 pm

I've just recently written a short story (16 pages double-spaced) and I thought that I might be able to get it published. The following text is a piece of the story so you can get the general idea of what it's about. Please understand that I don't want anyone copying what I have here and I'm trusting you not to. I would, however, appreciate all comments and ideas on the story. Please do not flame or make any crude remarks as I am serious about needing some feedback. Thank you.

Wrath of the Cereal Monster

It all started a few years ago (I don't remember just how many). I woke up in the middle of the night and was incredibly hungry. I didn't understand it. I ate my dinner. I had a nice big dinner too. But for some reason that didn't matter. I was hungry. Grumpily I dragged myself out of bed and walked into the kitchen looking for a bite to eat.

Now, normally, we had a lot of food in the kitchen but for some reason I couldn't find anything to eat. I checked the refrigerator for some leftovers, but all I found was a gallon of milk. I looked in the cupboards for something to make a sandwich but they were bare. Felling ravenous now, I opened the pantry to see if there was anything, anything in there to eat.

Alas, all I found was a box of cold cereal. It was one of those horrible grain cereals that you had to dump a ton of sugar on just to get it sweet enough to eat. All the same, I was so hungry I didn't much care. I grabbed the cereal and snatched up the gallon of milk. After putting them on the table I searched for a bowl.

Something really weird was going on here. When I opened the cabinet to get a bowl I only found one really large bowl. I took it, got a spoon from the drawer (I'm not sure but I think the drawer only had spoons), and went back to the table.

Opening the box of cereal I tilted it over the bowl. Cereal came pouring out of the box nearly overflowing the bowl. I didn't really want this much cereal but whenever I tried to pour it back into the box it just spilled out the sides. Too tired to clean up, I just put the bowl back down and held up the milk. Just like the cereal, the milk poured out way too fast for me to stop it. In seconds, the entire gallon of milk emptied into the bowl. Grumbling with frustration, I snatched up my spoon and stuck it into the disgusting cereal. What happened next surprised me fully awake.

I couldn't pull the spoon from the bowl! In fact, the spoon tore away from my hand and began to mix the cereal. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a drawer opening. Several spoons, (I think about nine) were flying through the air towards the bowl. I dove to the ground just barely avoiding the spoons. All of them shoved themselves into the bowl and started mixing the cereal. But it wasn't over yet! I could hear all the cabinets and the pantry opening! Even though there was nothing in them before, a whole mess of cereal boxes began to fly out of them! There was every kind of cereal that I had ever seen (even some that I hadn't)! There were cold cereals and hot cereals! There was shredded wheat, puffed rice, puffed corn, puffed oats, corn flakes, wheat flakes, and even rice flakes! Amongst the hot cereals were porridge, gruel, grits, goat food (oatmeal), and some things I don't know that names to! All of the cereals poured themselves into the bowl as the spoons continued to mix them together.

At last the spoons stopped mixing and sank into the deep, disgusting glop. Slowly, I looked inside the bowl. A more disgusting sight I had never seen. It looked like someone threw up into the bowl. But things were about to get a lot worse.

A huge bubble rose from the disgusting glop and burst, then another and another. Sick gurgling sounds rose from the bowl. The glob stopped bubbling but began to shift and move. Suddenly, five of the spoons stuck out of the glop and were pushed higher and higher as the glob began to form an arm! I could only stand there, shocked and frightened at what I saw. Five more spoons reached out and another arm rose from the bowl. Both arms reached down and pressed against the table. A hideous, disgusting blob rose from the bowl! The thing was at least six feet tall and its horrible body dripped with the hot cereals!

It stood there for a few seconds doing nothing, then, it grew a hard shell of cold cereals all over its body. The creature glanced around for a few moments with eyes made of round oat cereal pieces surrounding a piece of chocolate puffed corn. The creature looked directly down at me and suddenly, without warning it swiped its arm at me. I barely managed to dodge. The spoons cut deep into the hard wood table and I shuddered to imagine what they would have done to me. The Cereal Monster ripped the spoons from the table and roared. I'll never forget that roar; it sounded almost like someone was throwing up but a lot louder than I had ever heard.

PotatoSlayer · #2 Post by **PotatoSlayer** » Thu May 25, 2006 11:33 pm

Wow that's pretty interesting. Um i don't consider myself an english person at all it's actually my worst class (im more of a math guy). But um to me it seems like something that could have been written in a creative writing class in like 10 minutes. Not to downplay you at all cause i am by no means an expert but the whole cereal monster thing is like something out of Sesame Street. Also when you start out the first couple paragraphs are pretty descent and descriptive and then it seems like it starts to get a little lazy. But i want to repeat that i am not an expert but i do read a lot. If i were you I'd save this somewhere and keep writing and someday you can look back on this story when you're rich and famous. But once again i could be wrong and im not trying to offfend you or your writing somebody else here smarter than me might think it's good idk.

hakujinmusume · #3 Post by **hakujinmusume** » Fri May 26, 2006 5:50 am

Imaginative! Reminds me a bit of those Calvin and Hobbes cartoons where he fights his porridge.

Jafar · #4 Post by **Jafar** » Sat May 27, 2006 12:02 am

I'd buy it if it got published.

dungeonsofdorks · #5 Post by **dungeonsofdorks** » Sat May 27, 2006 1:56 am

I don't want to be a jerk here, but I tend to agree with PotatoSlayer. As an aspiring writer myself, I know it takes a bit more than just having an interesting idea to have a piece of writing be any good. Like that sentence I just wrote? That was crap.

Then again, I DO read far too much Stephen King. Everything else I read looks like it was written by a 2 year old in comparison. (In general, I'm not talking about your story specifically.)

Renodox · #6 Post by **Renodox** » Sat May 27, 2006 3:02 pm

Thanks for the comments. The story does go on of course. Actually, the reason for the lack of discription is the pace of the story. In certain spots when my character is calm or relaxed, the descriptions are pretty long. In sections when he's panicked or worried, the descriptions get really short. Till next time.