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 Post subject: thinking of hanging up my adventurers cap
PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:19 am 
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Well its been a long time since I first picked up a video game controller but I thinking about calling it quits by next year if I'm lucky I've been in love with a beautiful woman for a while but she sees me as a mama's boy that likes video games too much don't get me wrong we are good friends but I think the only way to get her attention is to 1 get a job 2 move out of my moms house 3 give up the video games. So I don't know what else to do but this might be my only chance what do y'all think follow my heart and see if she will like me better then or keep my life the same as it is of course if I do change my life around I'll still try to keep in touch with you guys but I just won't be a gamer any more well like I said tell me wahat y'all think and I keep what y'all say in mind in the next year or two


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:58 am 
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That's silly. People should accept you for who you are.

But I'd move out and get a job at least. And I'd do it before ever giving up video games! But that's me. :) Seems to have worked, though, as I'm married now. Actually I hadn't even moved out yet when we got married (I moved out after that). But whatever works for ya.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:06 am 
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Do not Change your self for one persons approval

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:12 am 
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Heh.  Just because you need to move out of your Mom's doesn't mean you can't like video games!

It can be done, brotha.

Bt

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:58 am 
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Well. If all else fails (and this is only in the worst case scenario!!!) give her a chance to play. But be warned!! You may just be losing access to the video games for good!!  :lol


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:32 am 
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Sure move out and get a job but if you like video games then play them.

I don't see how video games are for mama's boys when the gaming companies are targeting their wares to 20-35 years olds.

Bottom line, don't change who you are for anyone, you won't be happy in YOURSELF if you do.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:28 pm 
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I completely disagree with the sentiment that you shouldn't change anything about yourself. A healthy part of relationships is the ability for both parties to compromise. Everyone does things they don't particularly want to do to make their partner happy. I, for example, have on more than one occasion attended the opera / Mamma Mia / Other Stupid crap with my then girlfriend. She likes that sort of thing and I really hate it. But I did it to make her happy. And I love making her happy, it makes me happy. And the result was a much healthier relationship.

That's not to say you should compromise everything, it's a mutual thing. I always say that 80% of me is set in stone, she can play around with the other 20%. It's really up to you whether playing video games is a set in stone thing, or it's just an optional thing in your life.

As for living with your mum and getting a job. Move out and get a job. If not for her, for yourself.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:14 pm 
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All true. Just watch out for the people who want to change you to suit their own needs and not have a relationship with you at all.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:57 pm 
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compromise does not mean giving up something you enjoy in your leasure time in my mind adventure games are a part of you and what you enjoy if she can not accept that ask yourself what else would she change about me and is she really worth my time
I would definitely  move out and get a job though

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:07 pm 
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Ugh.  This topic strikes an unfortunate chord with me.  My best friend just recently married a girl for whom he changed himself completely.  It was probably the single most difficult experience to accept in my life so far.  It's one of those things that as a friend, you just can't do anything about.  Believe me, I tried just about everything short of slapping him in the face and telling him to wake up and that this girl was no good.  But you can't say that to a person in love; they have to make up their own mind and learn their lessons for themselves.  In the end, if their relationship ends up being too unhealthy, then it won't last.  But for now, I have to accept the fact that he is happy to change himself for her, and begrudgingly allow for the fact that things are going to be different between us as a result.

I'm sure your situation is probably entirely different, but be warned.  There is a fine line between compromising to make someone happy and making inappropriate sacrifices.  Love has a way of blinding people to the reality of their situations, so if you're thinking about making a change that you feel is pretty drastic, try to step back and look at everything objectively, and then just do what your heart tells you.

Good luck!


Last edited by Lambonius on Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:15 pm 
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Don't ever let a woman change you just so she's happy and you're not. The whole point of a relationship is that you're both happy together as who you are. You shouldn't have to change just because she's dissatisfied with the way you currently are. If that's the case than I don't think that's going to work as a relationship. I obviously don't know the girl but if she's the kind of spoilt girl who demands her way and her way only, you will not be happy. Someone should respect you for who you are.

I guess the part about moving out and getting a job is feasible, but the video games? If a girl told me to give up the video games, Jesus, she probably wouldn't know what hit her. Most likely the backhand.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 9:08 pm 
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Too true, Lambonius. Most of my friends were extremely foolhardy; they got married when they were 18, 19, or in their very early 20's. In fact, I dare say that almost every friend I've known has fallen into exactly the same trap, making completely unrealistic over-compromises in an effort to gain the acceptance of their 'significant other.' They usually end up severely damaging (or, more often than not, completely breaking off) their friendships as a result of that. Sadly, when you're up against a friendship vs. that insecure friend's relationship, the relationship will usually take precedence hands down. And as you say, there isn't anything as a friend that you can do about that, even if you're convinced that it can't work out for them and they don't see it. I find it difficult to respect selfish behavior like that. I think friends who get into relationships like that can very easily get blinded to the fact than their original friends will be affected by the change too, depending on how good a friend that person was, and how often you'd normally hang out with them etc.

I've got nothing to add that hasn't been already said by others. I'd suggest not moving out of home unless you can really afford it though. That's the second problem most of my friends ran into; getting too deep in mortgage and debt that they now can't afford to pay off.  Don't be concerned about other people's opinions of you or any stigma attached to living at home beyond a certain age. If living at home while you generate more income to become financially stable works for you (and providing your parents will put up with you!), then I think you should use that to your advantage while you can. It's not stupid; It's being smart. Just be sure not to become over-reliant to the point where you can't/won't do anything for yourself anymore. ;)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:50 pm 
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Anonymous Game Creator 2 wrote:
Too true, Lambonius. Most of my friends were extremely foolhardy; they got married when they were 18, 19, or in their very early 20's. In fact, I dare say that almost every friend I've known has fallen into exactly the same trap, making completely unrealistic over-compromises in an effort to gain the acceptance of their 'significant other.' They usually end up severely damaging (or, more often than not, completely breaking off) their friendships as a result of that. Sadly, when you're up against a friendship vs. that insecure friend's relationship, the relationship will usually take precedence hands down. And as you say, there isn't anything as a friend that you can do about that, even if you're convinced that it can't work out for them and they don't see it. I find it difficult to respect selfish behavior like that. I think friends who get into relationships like that can very easily get blinded to the fact than their original friends will be affected by the change too, depending on how good a friend that person was, and how often you'd normally hang out with them etc.


Yeah, it's worked itself out somewhat.  There was a period of time where the whole situation really disrupted our group of friends, which was pretty jarring since there's four or five of us who have been extremely close for about the past 10 years or so.  We're all in our mid-20s; he's 24 himself, so it's maybe a smidge on the young side, but still a fairly average age to get married.  His situation was a bit questionable because she was his first girlfriend and their pre-engagement relationship was relatively short compared to most.  I ended up sitting down with him one day and having a LONG discussion about relationships, priorities, friendships, etc. that worked out a lot of the issues we were having at the time, and ever since then he has been much better about considering his old friends AND his new wife instead of just the one.  :)  It's the fundamental personality changes that were the hardest to deal with, and still are somewhat--he sort of adapted his personality to mesh with hers, which unfortunately clashes somewhat with myself and our other friends.  But anyway, I appreciate the response, AGD2, and I guess I just wanted to make the point that if a friendship is strong enough, and you work hard at it, you can even overcome big obstacles like these.  I feel like we were able to, even though I've probably done much more work to that effect than he did, but such is life.  :)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:15 am 
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I know plenty of Mama's boys, who are still home at ages 25-35. It's actually kinda sad.

Bt

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:20 am 
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That was uncalled for in this situation BT.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:26 am 
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Why?

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:48 am 
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Thanks guys for you comments and suggestions its good to have friends online that care about someone they haven't met in person. I guess I could just take it one step at a time and see what she thinks of some of the changes in me before applying all of them within a short time period like a year maybe I'll get a job wait a few years then if the money is right move out then after that wait a few more years and if I really think it's necessary and I've actually dated her then I'll think about whether or not to give up my games. And besides I'm so close to seeing FF IV in 3d plus I just put GTA IV on reserve even though I don't have a PS3 mainly cause of the extras that came with it. But thanks guys I really  appreciate the advice.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:12 am 
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wait you are not accurately dating ? sounds to me like you just have a extreme infatuation with this girl take it from someone who knows really get to know her first dont do anything unless you are 100% sure she is the person for you  you can not just throw your life a way for one person

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:30 pm 
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I've been down this road before. I'll concur with everyone else. Move out, get a job, but don't change who you are. I gave up games, my band, and all my friends for a girl and don't look back thinking I made good decisions. Playing video games  less is probably a good thing, but don't give up who you are.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 5:51 pm 
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Gotta agree with AGD2 here. Unless you're financially capable of affording a place of your own, stay as long as you can. (In many cases it's financially better for your parent(s) as well).

So, if anything... get a job. Hey, don't worry. I'm from SA where 60% of the people don't have jobs, and the 'affirmative action' makes it impossible to find anything. (Took me 12 years after school to finally get a full time job). In other words, been there... (And contract-jobs here isn't as fanciful as it seems to be there in the US)

Forget everything else, just focus on that. The rest will come by itself.

PS: Life really isn't a movie, where the pretty girl suddenly likes you (in that way) after all the years. Move on, pal. She doesn't sound worth it.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 7:01 pm 
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true, i agree with what everyone says here. you should get a job and move out on your own but you should'nt give up on the things you love. I don't know maybe I just got lucky cause I have a g/f who loves videogames as much as I do, and she would never tell me to give up something like that. Of course shes not into the whole quest games as much as i am but she is still a hard core WOW player, and she loves it when i play everything from console games to reading outload the older text quest games(while i do different voices for each character of course;)Like i said maybe I just got lucky.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 1:23 am 
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AsianMusicGuy wrote:
That was uncalled for in this situation BT.


What?  It's sad that I think many young men shirk responsibility and hide behind a variety of excuses?  I don't think that's sad - I think that more young men need to shift their priorities to other things.  It's not right for a young man to living at home, off his parents coffers, past the age of 30.  Yet, I know someone who is nearing forty and shows no signs of leaving his parents home.  He lives in their basement, eats their food and doesn't hold down a steady job.

This used to be a rare thing, yet it's becoming more and more common these days.  And I think it's SAD.  Yes, sad.

Bt

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 2:14 am 
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Past 30? It's like I tell my brother (nearing 22) When it's the big four oh it's time to go.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:00 am 
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Well I just talked to her today she told me we will never be more than friends. Which is ok with me but it still totally tore my heart in half but I'll live it still hurts though. I'm still thinking strongly about a job but my mom wants me to get my GED first oh well I could still get a job and go to school at the same time. :cry


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:32 am 
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Dude, get the GED.  Education is important.

I'm an obstinate bastard, but I believe in education.

Seriously, man, it'll make your life better - it takes a little bit of effort, but it's worth it.

Bt

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