King's Quest 7 Tombstones

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Renodox
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King's Quest 7 Tombstones

#1 Post by Renodox » Thu Sep 30, 2004 7:37 pm

Just for fun I decided to write down all the tombstone epitaphs from King's Quest 7. Enjoy!

Here lies the corpse of Fats Wode
He ate till he bulged like a toad
One day he bought twenty
Stale pies for a penny
The twentieth made him explode.

The sorrowful Margery Pratt
Liked to wail on the cliffs with her cat
One night such a pity
She tripped on her kitty
And fell off the cliff with a splat!

The strange author Fineus Smite
Liked to lurk in the shadows at night
He'd write hideous tales
Of green monsters with scales
And one day he just died of fright.

A paranoid fellow named Ed
Thought a monster lived under his bed
As he quailed in the dark
His dog gave a loud bark
And Ed leapt from the window in dread.

The debonair Arch Duke Von Drake
Was always a bit of a rake
His chased a maid through the grass
But when he caught the lass
She drop kicked him into the lake.

The jumpy dame Celia Nats
Had a terrible fear of black cats
She saw one in the night
And jumped ten feet in fright
And was carried away by large bats

A werewolf named Scadious Scabies
Tried to steal a poor farmer's three babies
As he crept through the house
He was nipped by a mouse
Who was mad and the wolf died of rabies.

Margery, fragile and pale
Always wore a voluminous vale
When her yards of black crepe
Caught the wind like a cape
Poor Margery blew off in the gale.

A mystic named Musifer White
Had a bed of nails sharp and bright
He was taking a nap
When into his lap
Jumped an elephant, yuck! What a sight!

The daredevil Morgan Weg
Smoked his pipe on a gunpowder keg
They found his head on the bridge
And his arm near the ridge
But no one could find his left leg.

Here lies Miss Marigold Gossum
Who grew a carnivorous blossom
She fell into the weed
And it ate her with greed
One day when she tripped on a possum.

Count Cranky a nasty old goat
Slipped and got himself drowned in the moat
His family cheered
His squire disappeared
And even his dog seemed to gloat

The mad lady Madeline Fare
Grew convinced she was a spring hare
On hands and on knees
She bounced through the trees
Till the day she ran into a bear.

Here's the body of Benjamin Crabby
Who in life was incredibly grabby
Don't stand on his grave
Or his corpse can't behave
Old Benji might pop up and nab ye.

A monk known as Brother Bob Tweet
Gave up eating all grains and all meat
He next gave up fruit
And veggies to boot
And he died a mere beanstalk with feet.

Count Vladimir Tsepish
Fearless Warrior
Devoted Husband
And lord protector of Ooga Booga land.



My favorite one is Lord Cranky's. What's yours?
Last edited by Renodox on Sat Oct 02, 2004 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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#2 Post by Quest For Glory Fan » Thu Sep 30, 2004 7:46 pm

I liked the tombstones in Monkey Island II better.
Largo Lagrande hell on sea or on land.
The good news is he's dead
The bad news is he breed.

there were others but that's all i remeber. I liked count cranky and paranoid ed the most of the KQ7 ones.

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#3 Post by JWar » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:07 am

Hey man, how about starting that reply with 'thanks man, thanks for putting all that work into it'?

@renodox: Thanks man, I loved reading through all that..

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#4 Post by Quest For Glory Fan » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:16 am

well does something require a thanks if you did it out of boredom? I ws in detention earlier this week and I had no work to do so the teacher supervising said "Just look like you're working I don't care if you're drawing or passing notes or whatever" So I wrote out the lyrics to the Brady bunch and passed em around to the people I knew. Not once did someone in that room say "Thanks I apreciate taking time out of your boredom to right this down in your boredom in fact here have a trophy or maybe a pizza. Hey how about a pizza trophy!" I just don't think it requires a thanks is what I'm getting at I also said that i enjoyed a few and added my favourite of the same genre? Am I really as synical as that cheap shot made me feel? Well if I was I would still be miles more tolerable then Bt

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#5 Post by Jafar » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:16 am

A mystic named Musifer White
Had a bed of nails sharp and bright
He was taking a nap
When into his lap
Jumped an elephant, yuck! What a sight!
:o

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#6 Post by JWar » Fri Oct 01, 2004 8:44 am

Quest For Glory Fan wrote: etc etc
Your not grasping the core of what I said. In this case there was no actual need to reply and yet you did, with a negative one. If there's no way you can prevent doing that, at least start out with something positive..

And the 'always better than bt' reply just makes me wonder...

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#7 Post by Quest For Glory Fan » Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:51 pm

start with something positive? you started by taking a shot at me and I'm not supposed to reply? and the better then Bt line was because Bt always says he is a (SP?) cynical bastard

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#8 Post by Jafar » Sat Oct 02, 2004 2:14 am

Hey Hey HEY! Break it up! QFGfan just said that he prefered the MI2 tombstones to these. Okay? Nothing to get angry about.

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#9 Post by Quest For Glory Fan » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:11 am

Thanks Jafar.

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#10 Post by JWar » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:51 pm

Yup, thanks jafar, you're right.

* sends peace flag to QfGfan *

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#11 Post by Quest For Glory Fan » Sat Oct 02, 2004 5:45 pm

*sends back peace brownie*

*JayWar seems to et crazier with every brownie*

*QFGFan's Bro enters(

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY BROWNIES?"

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#12 Post by Jafar » Sun Oct 03, 2004 5:22 am

Peace returns, and some peasents rejoice!
*Takes the wheel and steers the thread back on topic*
The daredevil Morgan Weg
Smoked his pipe on a gunpowder keg
They found his head on the bridge
And his arm near the ridge
But no one could find his left leg.
What a moron. :lol

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#13 Post by Renodox » Sun Oct 03, 2004 6:05 pm

Well, they aren't as good in my opinion but I also got the epitaphs from Kq 4. I'm sorry to say I can't play Monkey Island 2 on my computer, so if you want those, you'll have to get them yourself. I'd like it if you put them up on this topic if you do get them though.


Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder,
She burst while drinking a seidlitz powder,
Called from this world to her heavenly rest,
She should have waited till it effervesced

Dr. I Letsome
When people's ill they come to I,
I physics, bleeds, and sweats ‘em;
Sometimes the live, sometimes they die;
What's that to I? I Lestome.

To the ever living memory of Hiram Bennet,
baby son of Edward and Sarah Bennet,
who by a sudden-surprise fell asleep,
the 11th day of November, 1553
Aged 6 months.

1643
Here lies Newberry Will,
His life was finished ‘cause he took ill,
But none'll miss him, he should've been wiser,
‘Tis his own fault, for bein' such a miser.

Thorp's Corpse

Six feet beneath
This funeral wreath
Is laid upon the shelf
One Jerry Jones,
Who dealt in bones,
And now he's bones himself.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
Who, early in the month of May,
Took off his winter flannels.

Lord Coningsby
1550 to 1626
Sleepth here in peace: an honorable man, a valiant soldier.
He served his country well.

Here I lie with my three daughters,
Who died drinking Chelt'nam waters.
If we had stuck to Epsom Salt,
We should not sleep in this cold vault.

I plant these shrubs upon your grave, dear wife,
That something on this spot may boast of life,
Shrubs must whither and all earth must rot;
Shrubs may revive but you, thank heaven, will not.

1546
Reader here lies -- but forbear
To read without a tear,
One -- I cannot speak the rest,
You may weep. I'll smite my breast,
Grief preventing and this stone
Too small to be written on.
Only this -- a little boy
Willy -- in Abram's bosom's laid.

Rebecca Freeland
1598
She drank good ale, good punch and wine
And lived to the age of 99

Whoe'er you are,
tread softly, I entreat you,
For if he chance to wake,
be sure he'll eat you.
1634 to 1672
She done her best.

Betty Cowden
1650 to 1669
Here lieth the body of Betty Cowden
Who would live longer bust she couden;
Sorrow and grief made her decay
When she lost her lover at sea one day.

Dentist Brown
Stranger! Approach this spot with gravity!
John Brown is filling his last cavity.

At length, my friends, the feat of life is o'er,
I've eat sufficient, and I'll drink no more;
My night is come, I've spent a jovial day,
‘Tis time to part, but oh! -- what is to pay?

Here lies a poor woman who was always tired,
She lived in a house where help wasn't hired:
Her last words on earth were: “Dear friends, I am going
To where there is no cooking, or washing, or sewing,
For everything there is exact to my wishes,
For where they don't eat there's no washing of dishes,
But having no voice I'll be quit of the singing,
Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never,
I am going to do nothing for ever and ever.”

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