Any advice on getting rid of one of two wanted attentions?

Message

JWar · #1 Post by **JWar** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:41 am

Seeing that we're all spewing our personal problems out onto the forums, I thought I'd have a try. It's a variation on the problem renodox seemed to be having, though, I have to confess, I don't much mind the situation. The problem is that outside influences are forcing me to make a decision and I'm having a hard time with it.

There are two women in my life, both of which are wonderful creatures who have captivated my heart with a powerful combination of their minds and bodies (for the slow people amongst us, their sweet and, to my opinion, good looking). Over the last six months I've been juggling my relationship between the two of them, dropping hints, but never being man enough to tell either of the two of the situation.

Now a combination of my fear that I'll slip up and my conscience telling me to get my act together is pushing me to make a choice between the two ladies. Both live a train ride away from me. In the Netherlands this means that I need to travel slight over fifteen minutes to reach them. One of them is a sports fanatic, the other a dancer and both are at least two intellectual steps over me.

I hope you guys can help me out here.

Jafar · #2 Post by **Jafar** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 11:20 am

Umm...flip a coin?

Pidgeot · #3 Post by **Pidgeot** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 1:41 pm

When forced to choose between two things (of this nature, that is), it is usually best to make a list of pros and cons for each case, then use that list to make a final decision.

The alternative, more spontaneous way is making the list, then ripping it apart and choosing one at random - for example by flipping a coin.

#4 Post by **Erpy** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 1:57 pm

Like Pidgeot said, although I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss the list-option. Being dumped is not fun, being dumped over a flipped coin is worse.

I do suggest making up your mind as soon as possible. If this were to get out, you'd endanger your relation with both. (and it's not a very comfortable way of living. At least, it doesn't seem to be to me)

JWar · #5 Post by **JWar** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:02 pm

I've been trying to make up my mind based on the list idea. The list has been formed and yet I still haven't been able to see a distinct reason to choose one over the other. Flipping a coin just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

My friends are all keeping their hands off the situation, as they know both girls, so no help from them either.

I'm at wits end, please help me out.

Gav · #6 Post by **Gav** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:23 pm

If it was me, I might go for the sports fanatic. Going to a football (soccer) game with a girl who actually enjoys it sounds like a fun date.

JWar · #7 Post by **JWar** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:41 pm

She's more of a 'I love playing the'-sport fanatic, than a 'I love watching the'-sport fanatic. There's a load of romance attached to taking your girl to a dance production or watching her dance too...

Senor Matt · #8 Post by **Senor Matt** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:13 pm

So am I to understand that you are seeing both these women behind each others backs? If that is the case then first off, give yourself a good hard smack upside your head and then ask yourself, if these ladies are really as awesome as you say they are, do they really deserve YOU? How would you feel if you found out that either of them were doing what you are doing?

Wolfgang Abenteuer · #9 Post by **Wolfgang Abenteuer** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:59 pm

How would you feel if you found out that either of them were doing what you are doing?

Actually that'd probably make his job a lot easier. He'd let her go and stick with the other one!

~Wolfgang

1eyedParrot · #10 Post by **1eyedParrot** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:35 am

Sleep with both and keep the one that is best in bed.

Gav · #11 Post by **Gav** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:25 am

She's more of a 'I love playing the'-sport fanatic

Even better! Someone to have a kick with, or play tennis with, etc, as well as the other couply things. I couldn't think of a better relationship.

Jafar · #12 Post by **Jafar** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:26 am

You know, I wasen't serious about the coin thing.

Keenermart · #13 Post by **Keenermart** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:05 am

Don't make a list... it sounds like it makes sense, but it's way too logical and rational. Love is not a rational endeavor... it is the epitome of irrationality and illogical...icity...ness.... yeah. Anyway, just ask Plato (Symposium and Phaedrus). Most likely, your list will cause you to choose the one that makes the most sense to be with, which often times isn't the one that will end up making you the happiest. The best barometer, so to speak, is which one can you talk to the best? What I mean is, after the fuzzy-lovey feeling is gone, which one gives the best possibility for stimulating conversation, companionship, and spend-time-withability?

At any rate, good luck with that... and remember the old proverb... which isn't that old, really.. and isn't really much of a proverb either... it actuall came from CSI:

"When you try to chase two rabbits at once, you end up losing the trail of both."

Renodox · #14 Post by **Renodox** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:43 am

Hate to tell you this, but you're going to have to let them know about each other before you can make any real decisions. Whomever is right for you will HAVE to be able to trust you and not get so worked up over you having another friend that you have feeling for. I know this isn't really helpful but it seems to me that if you DON'T tell them about each other, you're going to end up losing both of them anyway. In any case, I don't think we have enough information to give any great advice.

JWar · #15 Post by **JWar** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 6:29 am

I know the good smack against the head is a good idea, but at this point probably one with the least amount of beneficial effects towards my solving this problem. What you guys have been telling me has gotten me thinking and I'm wondering whether I shouldn't take Senor Matt's question and flip it around.

Which one of the two deserves me most? It's an easier question as I have to summarize my own good and bad points, and then decide which of the two women complements me best. I'm an athlete, so the sporting girl doesn't really enhance my world in that department, it's just more of the same, where the dancer adds an extra dimension to my life that I would not experience if it were not for her.

Do you think this is the right way to go? Should I post pictures of the two women, so that you can have a better idea on what they look like?

#16 Post by **Erpy** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 6:59 am

I don't think that would help. People would just end up recommending the person they think would be most attractive. Not to mention the fact it'd strip your post of all anonymity. (the world is sometimes smaller than we think)

Skyshark · #17 Post by **Skyshark** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 11:22 am

There's always a third option, though extreme: Dump both and find a third woman. Wipe the slate clean and start afresh, in other words.

Then again, when it comes to love, I'm slightly cynical and disillusioned, after somewhat inadvertently breaking my own heart years ago due to doing something under the side-effects of an acne medication (isotretinoin, aka Accutane, Roaccutane and other names it's marketed under) that I normally wouldn't do and it ended up wrecking a friendship I had with a girl I had strong feelings for (and I've really struggled to get over it nearly six years, as I've never had feelings for someone else as strong as or stronger than what I had for her). So it's probably not the best advice, but it's still an option (and if both find out what's going on, it'll lead to this, IMO).

JWar · #18 Post by **JWar** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:18 pm

Just a quick question, I only have a few minutes behind the keyboard.

Could some of the women on the forums here give their opinion on the situation, please?

Thanks.

Swift · #19 Post by **Swift** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:59 pm

If I were dating you, and discovered that you were dating someone else behind my back, I'd not only dump you, but probably inform her so that she can dump you too.

1eyedParrot · #20 Post by **1eyedParrot** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 2:40 pm

Try to get both into doing a threesome.

The Knight · #21 Post by **The Knight** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:21 pm

I have an easy solution.

Get one interested in me, and you go out with the other one. Problem solved.

Blackthorne519 · #22 Post by **Blackthorne519** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:42 pm

In the end, the decision comes down to you, J. You have to search yourself, and decide which one you really wish to have a future with. Which one stirs you more, or intrigues you more? Which one could you burn out on quicker? These are the kinds of questions you need to think about.

Bt

1eyedParrot · #23 Post by **1eyedParrot** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 6:08 pm

Look at their mothers, go with the prettier one.

Broomie · #24 Post by **Broomie** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 6:31 pm

1Eyed, ever heard of the Band Oasis? You kinda look like the lead singer Liam.

To add my part to this thread, I think you should just do the most obvious thing, take both on a date, and which ever you feel you have the most effective with, just decide and take her. I mean, this could keep going on and on until you're tired of sleeping behind each others backs, just find out which one you like better, just do something wrong in the other relationship, like tell her that her sex is crap and do bad habits until she gets sick of you and decides it's over, or you could just tell her you'd rather be friends, or.... the truth. (could be a mistake and cost you both women)

If you're happy with both of them, I'm sure you'll be happy with at least one of them. From one IA member to another IA member, take this advice to mind my friend.

Swift · #25 Post by **Swift** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 1:57 am

Broomie wrote:...just do something wrong in the other relationship, like tell her that her sex is crap and do bad habits until she gets sick of you and decides it's over...

I wouldn't do that if I were you. You'll never know if the person you might date in the future happens to be related to her in any way, and if she were to find out about your latest date, who knows what she might tell her about you? Best to break up in a nice way, tell her that you'd like to be just friends. Also, to deliberately try to hurt her so that she dumps you is also wrong, specially when she didn't do anything to deserve it. You've already dated behind her back, and that's bad enough. Don't add more sins to the list.