Klitos' Love Life Problems

Message

Vipt · #51 Post by **Vipt** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 1:52 pm

VampD3 wrote:For example when me and Angelus first started going out (well maybe a few months) things were a bit tense between us as we clashed a few times and found out things about each other that we weren't to keen on (like you do in alot of relationships)

The thing about good lasting relationships is that they always involve strong, willful sacrifices by both partners. What those sacrifices are depends on the nature of the relationship and the personalities of each partner. But whatever they are, for the relationship to last and flourish both sides must whole-heartedly make them. That doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be happy in making the sacrifice, but you must determine within yourself that the love you have for your partner is worthy of it. Being able to sacrifice certain things for the happiness of your significant other is the true test of, well... true love.

I quoted Vamp here because I think it shows exactly that. It is a testament to their love that, though they had many problems earlier in the relationship, they are now happily together and making the best of things. Unfortunately, as long as the wheel of fortune continues its cycle through this life of ours, the trials of love will never cease. A couple must keep on making sacrifices for the sake of its relationship when circumstances change from day to day. As each individual grows within the relationship, however, it becomes easier to make such sacrifices, for the love that is established in previous sacrifices sustains the faith of each partner in its worth and stability.

Just my two cents (or or should I say pence?)

VampD3 · #52 Post by **VampD3** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 2:21 pm

I quoted Vamp here because I think it shows exactly that. It is a testament to their love that, though they had many problems earlier in the relationship, they are now happily together and making the best of things.

Awww thankyou

Your right though, we clashed a few times and made lots of sacrafices for each other which was hard at the begining, but certainly worth it now and its alot easier now to do things for each other because you want to and you want to make the other persons life easier etc.

But your right, we've grown up alot together and our relationship is now probably at its strongest (not just because of the baby on the way, which I really wish would make a move on!!)

TakariFreak · #53 Post by **TakariFreak** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 2:46 am

I don't need to go through a romantic relationship breakup to know what heartbreak is. Nor do I need to be in one to understand what love is. You can love someone without dating or having romantic trysts between you.

Unless someone is asking for advice for stuff going behind the ULTIMATE private closed doors, I don't need to know about that stuff to emulate the other experiences they might be asking for advice on.

I have a VERY close friend, and we care for each other VERY much, so much so we do share and trust each other with ultimate secrets and desires. And if it weren't for the fact we are both straight, you can bet we'd likely be in a romantic relationship. Just because we're not screwing, doesn't mean we don't still have a strong relationship, almost as strong as any "true" romantic bond between a real couple.

So while I can't offer insight on the touchy-feely part of a relationship, what I have with said friend is STILL a very strong relationship, so I DO have some experience.

You don't know the feelings going on in MY head, so you CANT say I don't know what certain things are like. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. But you're in no postision to tell me or anyone else which side of the line I fall on.

Maybe I understand. Maybe I don't. But don't I deserve a chance to TRY? I just might know more than you think I do.

I already feel like a bit of a loser because I don't have a special someone. I don't need anyone else trying to put me down even further by saying my words of wisdom don't have enough merit to be useful because I haven't had anyone to love that way.

Quest For Glory Fan · #54 Post by **Quest For Glory Fan** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:03 am

well breakups do suck but after about 2 weeks or so (it varies EX:Bt or Klitos break ups take around an hour to 24 if she was a model. A Steffi break up takes about a month to a year!) you'll find this sense of freedom like all these little sacrifices you've made and dollars spent on keeping things firm and moving that these sacrifices seem to come back. I lost my girlfriend about a month ago because she simply lost interest and although we are still friends it doesn't mean that there was no emotional pain, well for me atleast, in between. Just because you've lost or never had one doesn't destroy hopes or ANY chances.

When looking for love remember to keep it in the middle. Don't try what I did and try to jump back into the moving train cause chances are you'll get crushed and so will your chances with her afterwards. Imay sound shallow with this advise but my birds and bees talk was this:

*Dad enters*
"I'm supposed to give you a man to man talk about some things so here you go"
*throws tape at me*
"What's this?"
"Congratulations son that there is your first porno"

well not exactly like that but you get the jist of it. Dating is a scary and dangerous world. Teenage relationships 90% of the time end in heartbreak and we are willing to take this fall if it gives us a random amount from 2 weeks to 6 months of joy and female attention. Sometimes I wonder if it's a good trade off but I live saying "what won't kill you makes you stronger" and "No one can make the same mistake twice if they gain knowledge from the past." or even "Will power and Justice are the most powerful when linked together for the cause of good and the best choice possible." Well I haven't had a clue what I was talking about for awhile. I just kinda phased out and kept typing so there you go.

*Note for the above brakets* these names and dates are not accurate or based on fact they are just to prove the point that getting into the swing of things again can be difficult or easy

Vipt · #55 Post by **Vipt** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 4:36 am

TakariFreak wrote:So while I can't offer insight on the touchy-feely part of a relationship, what I have with said friend is STILL a very strong relationship, so I DO have some experience.

I completely agree, though maybe I should have mentioned that myself in the previous post. While there are certainly some differences between romantic love and merely relational love, the whole principal of sacrifice holds true in either. The essential element of love that exists between close friends, between parents and children, and sometimes even among siblings, is really the same love that exists between romantic partners, and as such is equally worthy of the title 'true love'.

Blackthorne519 · #56 Post by **Blackthorne519** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 5:24 am

QFG Fan, you crack me up.

I think relationships vary between person to person; there is no hard and fast rule between people.

Just don't count anything out, or you might miss out.

Bt

Klytos · #57 Post by **Klytos** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 7:39 am

Relationships suck. Seriously. It's only the companionship (for the chicks) or the sex (for the guys) that makes it worthwhlie.

VampD3 · #58 Post by **VampD3** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:06 am

Unless someone is asking for advice for stuff going behind the ULTIMATE private closed doors, I don't need to know about that stuff to emulate the other experiences they might be asking for advice on.

YES you do need to know about that stuff, thats the most important thing. What couples are like to each other and say when know one is around, only then you know how they truely feel about each other and situations, there hardly going to open up about everything when there out and about.

You don't know the feelings going on in MY head, so you CANT say I don't know what certain things are like. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. But you're in no postision to tell me or anyone else which side of the line I fall on.

Takari, do I have to take quotes from my own post for you?? I said I'm not bothered in the slightest about whether your in a relationship, been in one or never had one in your whole life!! Thats not what I am on about at all and if you had read my post properly you would see that everything youve put in your post I'm not evenon about.

I don't care if your in a relationship or not, and of course your opinions and feelings and experiances are valid! what I was saying was that you never really can give good advice to someone about there relationship because you never know the whole story!! NOTHING to do with being in a relationship yourself.

Ive been in one for nearly 3 years and even I wouldn't even begin to give advice about what to do in certain situations if friends asked me about their relationship as you never truely know whether there in the wrong or if its their partner or what they say or do with each other when you youself isn't around.

She may blame him for the whole thing when talking to you but then get home to him and apologise as she relised she's in the wrong and that she shouldn't have really said anything. The whole time while your giving the advice to leave him or saying that he's not right for her, when clearly it could have been her fault all along but she's not gonna mention that to you!!! She may not even know it at that point.

And just to valadate one thing:-

I already feel like a bit of a loser because I don't have a special someone.

Why say that? when before you were saying:-

People always tell me I should date. But nope. I refuse. Never gone on a date in my life, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I don't have the need to validate myself by being in a relationship. I don't need to live my existance through someone else. I'm perfectly content with living my life without someone else involved with it.

BUT anyway, like I said in all my posts this has nothing to do with whether or not your in a relationship or have anything like it Takari, all Ive been saying is that no body can give true good advice unless you live with that couple day in day out and know everything about it, BOTH sides.

I'm sure if you want to be with someone then you will find someone soon, if not then just enjoy life being single.

Vipt · #59 Post by **Vipt** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 3:02 pm

In other words, Vamp is saying that you don't have to be in or ever have been in a close romantic relationship to understand what romantic relationships are like in general. It certainly helps to have been in one, but if you've known a certain loving and functional couple for a long time (could even be your parents!), you are likely to understand as well as anyone how good romantic relationships are maintained.

However, as Vamp said, it's a different case when trying to understand all the little problems and nuances of a particular couple's relationship, especially when you hear everything from only one side. So, unless you've been living with the couple and have been examining their behavior on all levels, you can never *really* know what their relationship is like. So really, this is a caveat to those people who make profound judgments on other people's relationships and give radical advice to one side of those relationships without really knowing the details of it.

There are of course some exceptions where you should definitely advise the person to break off the relationship, such as physical abuse, even if you haven't heard the story from the other side. But even then, it's probably best to seek immediate professional help for the abused person, rather than simply telling the person to "Pack up and run!"

TakariFreak · #60 Post by **TakariFreak** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 3:58 pm

Appaently, you're all missing the ADVICE IS ONLY AS GOOD AS SOMEONE MAKES OF IT.

Anyone can ask anyone else's advice on anything. But until it's put to USE, it's never good or bad. The peson asking, depeding on their situation, can MAKE it into good advice, or they can turn it into bad advice. You don't need to know EVERYTHING to analyze a situation and have an opinion on it. Society does it everyday. Are you familiar with a courthouse? What the heck do you think it's the judges/jurys JOB? To analyze the situation based on what they've been told, and do what's in the best interest of everyone to their best ability. Advice is much the same way, only we don't have to relate out words of wisdom in relation to the laws on a daily basis. Thw whole WORLD of knowledge is based on analyzing situations. But just because you didn't live it in their shoes, doesn't mean you can't still get a very good idea of what went on.

Advice isn't an instruction, it's a tool to help people look at a situation different ways and how to handle it. Giving advice doesn't mean someone has to take it, or take it the way it was given. Maybe the advice from one person doesn't sound right for their needs, sometimes it does, and sometimes, it may help to inspire them to handle the situation is a totally different way no one thought of before. But in the end, it's up to the person who recieved the advice to put it into action. Someone can theoretically have the BEST advice in the world. But if the person who gets that advice sucks on delivering that in their actions, then it's going to be seen as bad advice.

Why do I feel like a loser not being in a relationship? Take a look through my eyes, and that's ALL you're gonna see around you. it's everywhere, and no way to stop it. I'm the little lost person who can't take part in such things. Being left out and alone is one of the WORST feelings.

I'm perfectly fine with my PERSONAL life not having someone. But my SOCIAL life has gone down the tubes because of it, along with the rest of my self esteem.

VampD3 · #61 Post by **VampD3** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 6:06 pm

Takari, you dont seem to grasp what I'm saying, one more time,

What I'm saying is, advice can be good at times but its never really valid for the other person when you dont know both sides and how they are when they are alone.

The best advice in the world is no good to someone when you dont know the whole picture it just ends up being a guideline. Vipt seems to understand what I'm saying really well

Vipt · #62 Post by **Vipt** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 7:24 pm

Response to TakariFreak:

It's not that all advice from people who don't know the situation as well as the recipient of the advice is bad, good, or anything in between. But since the advisor (one giving the advice) has less to go on in analyzing the situation, there is a greater propensity that it will be bad advice for the particular situation. This isn't necessarily true, but if you are misinformed or ill-informed (or both) on the situation, it's much harder to give advice that, when correctly implemented, will end up benefiting the situation.

For example, if you are physically ill, you may not know yourself how best to recover. So you go to the doctor and show or tell the doctor your symptoms. The doctor then, with the information he's gathered from your visit, can probably prescribe the medicine that will best help you recover. But if he's so busy that he can't get you an appointment, and just asks you a few brief questions over the phone about your symptoms, he may end up prescribing medication that doesn't help or maybe even aggravates the situation. [BTW, I don't think it's legal to make prescriptions over the phone anyway, so this is merely hypothetical]

I disagree with your assertion that there is no such thing as good or bad advice, if I'm understanding you correctly. (It's very possible I'm not.) I say that advice, like a medical doctor's prescription, can still be the right advice for a situation even if it is not implemented correctly by the receiver of the advice. After all, if someone takes higher doses of a medication than what the doctor prescribed, it's not the doctor's fault if the patient becomes more ill; because the prescription, taken in the proper dosage, would have been the remedy to the illness. Good advice can be implemented poorly in this same way.

Blackthorne519 · #63 Post by **Blackthorne519** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 8:34 pm

Haven't I seen all of this before????

Bt

Angelus3K · #64 Post by **Angelus3K** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 8:45 pm

Exactly

#65 Post by **navynuke04** » Tue Oct 19, 2004 10:34 pm

I think it's best to agree to disagree at this point. I'd prefer it if everyone weren't to get into an argument over this.