I don't know if you remember my mentioning that I don't like getting attention from those who think of getting romantically inclined with me. However, I finally found two ways to deal with it. The first one:
A woman came and sat next to me in the library with a flowery toned, "Hi, big guy." Without looking at her, but raising my head I said, slowly, "What do you want of me
?" She said, "Oh! Well I was thinking..." I continued, "You are far away from life. And love. And hope. You are surrounded by dust. And it is dust you will become." She said, "What are you talking about?" I still continued, "I lost my life in this cursed desert. Now I am doomed to wander it forever; tortured by endless, burning thirst." At this point she left calling me a weirdo. I was a little put out that I wasn't able to finish but it WORKED!
The second one:
I was at my sister's birthday party and a young woman smiled at me when we came near each other at the snack table. I thought nothing of it but she sat next to me when I went down to eat and then followed me when I got up to the snack table again. She finally spoke. Holding out her hand with a BIG smile she said, "Hi, I'm Gina." I took her hand and held it firmly. Shaking it I said, "Pleased to meet you Gina, name's (My real name here), but everyone calls me 'Pip.'" She then started to say something but I interrupted, "You know, I think Cheetos are one of my all time favorite foods." (We were near Cheetos at the snack table) "I always seem to meet the most interesting people when I'm around them too. In fact Cheetos bring to mind the time I met, BOB BARKER!" "Who's...?" she started but I didn't let her finish. "Yes indeed," I continued, "Bob Barker, star of the most popular morning game show. He's an embassy, a host, and a celebrity all rolled into one. It was exactly eight months ago Tuesday the seventeenth, I believe. Or it might of been the eighteenth... No, no, it was definitely the seventeenth because it was precisely one week after my aunt Lucrecia's birthday which is the tenth. Aunt Lucrecia's quite a woman, loves to cook, she prepares a fabulous Wor Shu Aup. That's a Chinese duck dish. I love
Chinese food. I once went to a party that served Chinese food and
Cheetos, now THAT was a Catch-22 situation. Catch-22
was a movie you know. It was long, VERY long. They say the book was better but it was a novel and I never finish reading those things..." Anyway, I went on for a while. My sister eventually asked me to knock it off when I got to the point when I said, "...I wracked my brain to come up with a title but to no avail. You see, I'm not terribly musical. And yet, I always wanted to play an instrument and be like my music hero: Leo Sayers."
Needless to say, "Gina" didn't want anything to do with me after that. What do you think about THAT?!