Okay, a couple things first: 1. This is in response to the "discusion" that I started in the "Lets find Rambaldi a nice girl" topic. 2. This is not meant to offend or insult anyone so if you write here keep it clean and try to keep a good sense of humor.
During my time in school I've been getting a lot of unwanted attention from women. None of them have been as bold as that girl I mentioned sat next to me in High School. However, I do get smiles and slight signals, etc. I want this to stop. In addition to the afore mentioned reason I have others: I don't like hurting other people's feelings, I don't want to get involved with anyone, I have an ongoing bet that I won't ever get married, and the attention is mostly annoying to me.
SO, what I ask is what is your advice to get rid of this unwanted attention.
Any advice on getting rid of unwanted attention?
Moderators: adeyke, VampD3, eriqchang, Angelus3K
My initial reaction would probably be "Lucasfan, eat your heart out." Because THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is torture applied in a frightening professional and effective way.Okay, a couple things first: 1. This is in response to the "discusion" that I started in the "Lets find Rambaldi a nice girl" topic. 2. This is not meant to offend or insult anyone so if you write here keep it clean and try to keep a good sense of humor.
During my time in school I've been getting a lot of unwanted attention from women. None of them have been as bold as that girl I mentioned sat next to me in High School. However, I do get smiles and slight signals, etc. I want this to stop. In addition to the afore mentioned reason I have others: I don't like hurting other people's feelings, I don't want to get involved with anyone, I have an ongoing bet that I won't ever get married, and the attention is mostly annoying to me.
SO, what I ask is what is your advice to get rid of this unwanted attention.
If you truly don't want to get involved with ANYONE, I think it's best for me to lock this topic and ban you from the forums. After all, people may interact with you here and some of them may be *gasp* women. Your reaction may be something like...yeah, but the female posters here aren't trying to get romantically involved with me. Good point. But the same might be true for most of the women in your direct RL surroundings giving you attention. I'm mostly reasoning from stereotypes, probably, but in general females are more capable of keeping things platonic than males. (who often approach a female with the idea of hitting on her) My advice would be to just be friendly and not make a big deal about these things. Given the amount of time and effort it generally takes to move from "hello" to "Yes, I do", the chances of you accidently losing your little bet are slim at least. (is there anything at the stake other than pride, btw?) Acknowledging someone's efforts to be friendly doesn't mean they'll hog-tie you, drag you to the nearest church in a sack and make you their lawfully wedded husband before you know what hit you.
If anything, playing "hard to get" may have the opposite effect.
If everything else fails, there's still some options open to keep the unwanted rest of the world at bay:
1) Belch, fart and pick your nose in public. Better yet, pick your ears, that's even more gross. Before casually brushing the stuff off (preferably on your clothes), make certain to analyze it like you would do with a dime which you just found out is 80 years old.
2) The advantage of flies circling you instead of females is that you can swat the former without fear of repercussion. And their amount is a good tally on how succesful those repelling tactics are working out.
3) Don't take baths/showers or change clothes until environmental groups start complaining about how you're on your way to altering the local ecosystem with your presence.
4) Keep the other people around downwind. ALWAYS!
5) Most importantly, give the impression that you're not doing this to repel people. Act clueless. People will start dropping hints at first, but when people start asking you why everything you touch gets desinfected, pretend you don't know either. People will start feeling sympathy instead of labelling you as a jerk.
When people start talking to you despite the previous conditions met...
6) ALWAYS keep eye contact or NEVER make eye contact. There is no in between.
7) Don't vary the tone of your voice when speaking.
8) Change the subject of the discussion every other minute. Ignore attempts by the other party to steer it back on course. Just keep rambling about your hand-picked topic of the moment.
9) Act clueless.
10) Repeat your own words at random.
11) Make faces while induldging in conversation. Change your expression in a split-second. Don't give people the time to conclude this ISN'T their own imagination playing tricks on them. This takes practice.
12) Start laughing at random replies by the other party. Make sure not to "realize it wasn't a joke" until they start frowning. Explain in lenghty monologues why you thought they were making a joke. Don't bother keeping it coherant.
13) Watch "The Office". Make David Brent your personal role model.
14) Act clueless.
Last edited by Erpy on Wed Sep 15, 2004 8:14 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Skyshark
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Yeah, they need to knock you out first before you can be tied up. Otherwise, it'd be a bit hard to tie-up someone who can resist.Erpy wrote:Acknowledging someone's efforts to be friendly doesn't mean they'll hog-tie you, drag you to the nearest church in a sack and make you their lawfully wedded husband before you know what hit you.
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fluxmaster
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Wonderful! Wonderful! Erpy, you have insight worthy of an oracle!
As for the question about my bet. No. Pride is not the only thing at stake. I bet my cousin's wife (I have no idea what that makes her) $1000 that I wouldn't get married. But the real prize is that I proved her wrong! I'm darn tired of people thinking that it's impossible for me not to develop such feelings towards anyone.
And as for the idea that someone is just being friendly... I'll usually take the stuff in stride but I can notice the warning signs. It's like this woman that I saw in class. The teacher wasn't in and so I was just lying there with my head on the desk. Anyway, this woman just happened to be in my line of sight. I noticed her because she was moving her arm and the movement caught my eye. She turned towards me and smiled
. Now this meant about nothing, there were other people in the area and there was no way she could know I was looking at her. However, a few days later she was exiting from a classroom and when she saw me again she smiled again ! That's is not good 
.Allthough I would like more advice, I have fortunately managed to isolate myself to the point where I think most that are actually interested in me are too afraid to approach me. Actually, the best I thought of was my "anti-attention technique" 4d7: Nasal Spray. This is something that I'll try doing if and only if someone actually gets the nerve to approach me. If you've ever seen "Better Off Dead" you'll see just how revolting nasal spray can be and furthermore, if I use it right I could even let some of it drip out of my nose.
I can also remember "Buster's Guide to Dating" (can't remember rule 7)
where he gives the most importaint rule in dating: Guy's rule 4: Never ever call a girl chubby. So... I could always try that.
Becoming gay is not an option. This isn't just about avoiding FEMALE attention. It's about avoiding ALL ROMANTIC ATTENTION.
This brings back memories from a guy I knew at high school. He was smart, good-looking...but annoying as hell. Reason being...he tried TOO hard to make friends with people that it actually got on peoples' nerves. He butted in on conversations at the lunch table (interrupting people in the process), made a point of showing off how intelligent he was by arguing with our history teacher over "historical facts", laughed at anyone who told him that he was being rude, and bragged about all of his accomplishments in sports. He was rude, loud, and arrogant. Oh, and politically incorrect...try that as wellRenodox wrote:
Wonderful! Wonderful! Erpy, you have insight worthy of an oracle!
As for the question about my bet. No. Pride is not the only thing at stake. I bet my cousin's wife (I have no idea what that makes her) $1000 that I wouldn't get married. But the real prize is that I proved her wrong! I'm darn tired of people thinking that it's impossible for me not to develop such feelings towards anyone.
And as for the idea that someone is just being friendly... I'll usually take the stuff in stride but I can notice the warning signs. It's like this woman that I saw in class. The teacher wasn't in and so I was just lying there with my head on the desk. Anyway, this woman just happened to be in my line of sight. I noticed her because she was moving her arm and the movement caught my eye. She turned towards me and smiled
Allthough I would like more advice, I have fortunately managed to isolate myself to the point where I think most that are actually interested in me are too afraid to approach me. Actually, the best I thought of was my "anti-attention technique" 4d7: Nasal Spray. This is something that I'll try doing if and only if someone actually gets the nerve to approach me. If you've ever seen "Better Off Dead" you'll see just how revolting nasal spray can be and furthermore, if I use it right I could even let some of it drip out of my nose.
I can also remember "Buster's Guide to Dating" (can't remember rule 7)
where he gives the most importaint rule in dating: Guy's rule 4: Never ever call a girl chubby. So... I could always try that.
Becoming gay is not an option. This isn't just about avoiding FEMALE attention. It's about avoiding ALL ROMANTIC ATTENTION.
And if that doesn't work, rent a monk costume.
PS: Erpy gave you some great tips! LOL
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Blackthorne519
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Heh, if you don't mind me saying you certainly get upset about, er, rather minor things. If people would smile at me, it'd probably make me more cheerful, rather than upset.
However, I must ask one particular thing...what exactly are you afraid of? You seem to connect people smiling at you with them trying to get romantically involved with you. Mind if I say that that seems a bit far-fetched? It's kinda like refusing to get near someone with a cold before you're certain he WILL contaminate you if you breathe in his vicinity and you WILL drop dead on the spot because of it.
If you don't want to get romantically involved with someone without too much effort and without going completely paranoid, here's what to do:
- If someone smiles, politely smile back.
- If someone talks to you, acknowledge their presence with a nod and talk back if the person has something interesting to say.
- The first signs of intimacy are hands on shoulders/lower arm/hand, more eye contact and slightly mirrored movement of the other person. At that point, you can simply mention you prefer to remain "just friends". Unless someone is overly infatuated with you, that will be the end of the story and your worries. Unless she's obsessed with you, said intimacy attempts will most likely not happen again. You can remain interacting with them without backing off in panic, afraid to...err...lose that bet.
You mentioned you could tell "the warning signs", but if you equate simple smiles with a "date me please?", my hunch is that you cannot.
Having said that, you are 1000% serious about this bet, but my gut tells me this cousin's wife may not have been this serious. (In fact, I'm positive she was joking) After all:
- I wouldn't want a person to stay away from pursuit of possible happiness due to some bet. I doubt she would, seeing that she's married herself.
- This is not something you can win. If that bet was as you mentioned it was, you'll win by dying as a single. I guess she'll need to toss the money in your coffin? (if she's smart, she'll throw a cheque.)
It seems a tad autism-like.
However, I must ask one particular thing...what exactly are you afraid of? You seem to connect people smiling at you with them trying to get romantically involved with you. Mind if I say that that seems a bit far-fetched? It's kinda like refusing to get near someone with a cold before you're certain he WILL contaminate you if you breathe in his vicinity and you WILL drop dead on the spot because of it.
If you don't want to get romantically involved with someone without too much effort and without going completely paranoid, here's what to do:
- If someone smiles, politely smile back.
- If someone talks to you, acknowledge their presence with a nod and talk back if the person has something interesting to say.
- The first signs of intimacy are hands on shoulders/lower arm/hand, more eye contact and slightly mirrored movement of the other person. At that point, you can simply mention you prefer to remain "just friends". Unless someone is overly infatuated with you, that will be the end of the story and your worries. Unless she's obsessed with you, said intimacy attempts will most likely not happen again. You can remain interacting with them without backing off in panic, afraid to...err...lose that bet.
You mentioned you could tell "the warning signs", but if you equate simple smiles with a "date me please?", my hunch is that you cannot.
Having said that, you are 1000% serious about this bet, but my gut tells me this cousin's wife may not have been this serious. (In fact, I'm positive she was joking) After all:
- I wouldn't want a person to stay away from pursuit of possible happiness due to some bet. I doubt she would, seeing that she's married herself.
- This is not something you can win. If that bet was as you mentioned it was, you'll win by dying as a single. I guess she'll need to toss the money in your coffin? (if she's smart, she'll throw a cheque.
)I must admit, our resident Cyclops may have point. Seeing that man is essentially a social being, I'm surprised to meet an individual with such a distinctive way of reasoning/thinking.Renodox, this is pretty extreme and serious btw. Have you considered going to a therapist? At first I thought you were making a joke, but now it's obvious that you are not joking, I'm getting really concerned about you.
It seems a tad autism-like.Greetings, (My name here but I won't tell you)
If you are receiving this e-mail you are about to receive some very disturbing news. According to the U.S. Census, you were born between October 24, 1980 and June 3, 1981. If your parents met each other in a costal city in northern California and most of Oregon and you have found you have no attraction to anyone, you may be the victim of a conspiracy.
We have recently uncovered evidence that an organization called "The Zero Population Growth Movement" had been experimenting with a type of binary "poison." Alone, the two parts of the poison were harmless and undetectable but would remain resident in the bodies of whoever consumed them. More specifically, one part of the poison would infect human egg cells and the other part would infect human sperm cells. If your parents conceived any children (you) while infected with this poison you are tainted. This poison infected you before you were born by destroying your ability to produce certain hormones. It also inhibits your ability react to pheromones. Because of this you are essentially sterile.
Unfortunately, there is no cure for this condition as it is part of your genetic make up. Fortunately, it has been discovered that some people infected with this poison will overcome the effects. If you are one such person, know that the condition is not passable and if you have any siblings they will not have this condition unless they are twins or were born during these infected months.
While there is nothing to do about this, you should know the truth.
That's an e-mail I recieved several months ago. Personally, I think it's just an inside joke since nobody else I know has recieved an e-mail like this and I have a reputation for being unsocial with other people, especially when it comes to others trying to grab my attention.
(Yoda voice) Talking is not good! Talking could lead to friendship, friendship could lead to dating, dating could lead to marriage.
I'm not saying it WILL, I'm just saying it could.
Seriously, I really don't like being close to other people. For one reason or another it bugs me. I have been close to women before, I've kissed before, I've hugged before, and I don't see or feel what the attraction is outside of instinct.
Now, I want you to know that I don't like hurting other people's feelings, which I have done through rejection. There have been times in my life that I have been asked out or someone has given me more than just a smile (one such case was when a woman kept pulling up her shirt when she saw I was looking in her direction).
I feel no actual urgency in this. The real reason for this topic was FUN! I was hoping for more responses like Earpy's original post or the response to my "wrapped in dead skin" comment in Rambaldi's post.
As for my being fairly non-social... read The Secret Language of Birthdays the section on Pisces, stage or cycle 2. You'll see that my behavior was preordained centuries beforehand. As I said before, try to keep a sense of humor here.
If you are receiving this e-mail you are about to receive some very disturbing news. According to the U.S. Census, you were born between October 24, 1980 and June 3, 1981. If your parents met each other in a costal city in northern California and most of Oregon and you have found you have no attraction to anyone, you may be the victim of a conspiracy.
We have recently uncovered evidence that an organization called "The Zero Population Growth Movement" had been experimenting with a type of binary "poison." Alone, the two parts of the poison were harmless and undetectable but would remain resident in the bodies of whoever consumed them. More specifically, one part of the poison would infect human egg cells and the other part would infect human sperm cells. If your parents conceived any children (you) while infected with this poison you are tainted. This poison infected you before you were born by destroying your ability to produce certain hormones. It also inhibits your ability react to pheromones. Because of this you are essentially sterile.
Unfortunately, there is no cure for this condition as it is part of your genetic make up. Fortunately, it has been discovered that some people infected with this poison will overcome the effects. If you are one such person, know that the condition is not passable and if you have any siblings they will not have this condition unless they are twins or were born during these infected months.
While there is nothing to do about this, you should know the truth.
That's an e-mail I recieved several months ago. Personally, I think it's just an inside joke since nobody else I know has recieved an e-mail like this and I have a reputation for being unsocial with other people, especially when it comes to others trying to grab my attention.
That's not QUITE what I was thinking. What I noticed is that she seemed to be trying to get my attention. Not really date but come up and talk.You mentioned you could tell "the warning signs", but if you equate simple smiles with a "date me please?", my hunch is that you cannot.
(Yoda voice) Talking is not good! Talking could lead to friendship, friendship could lead to dating, dating could lead to marriage.
I'm not saying it WILL, I'm just saying it could.
Ever read the story of Narcissus and Echo? The last thing that Narcissus said to Echo is "I will not allow you to have power over me!"However, I must ask one particular thing...what exactly are you afraid of? You seem to connect people smiling at you with them trying to get romantically involved with you. Mind if I say that that seems a bit far-fetched? It's kinda like refusing to get near someone with a cold before you're certain he WILL contaminate you if you breathe in his vicinity and you WILL drop dead on the spot because of it.
Seriously, I really don't like being close to other people. For one reason or another it bugs me. I have been close to women before, I've kissed before, I've hugged before, and I don't see or feel what the attraction is outside of instinct.
Now, I want you to know that I don't like hurting other people's feelings, which I have done through rejection. There have been times in my life that I have been asked out or someone has given me more than just a smile (one such case was when a woman kept pulling up her shirt when she saw I was looking in her direction).
I feel no actual urgency in this. The real reason for this topic was FUN! I was hoping for more responses like Earpy's original post or the response to my "wrapped in dead skin" comment in Rambaldi's post.
As for my being fairly non-social... read The Secret Language of Birthdays the section on Pisces, stage or cycle 2. You'll see that my behavior was preordained centuries beforehand. As I said before, try to keep a sense of humor here.
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Spikey
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Examples of what people with schizoid personality disorder typically say / think:
"I don't like being close to other people"
"My privacy is more important to me than being close to others"
"It's best not to confide too much in others"
"Relationships are always messy"
"I manage best on my own and set my own standards"
"Intimate relations are unimportant to me"
Larsen R.J., Buss D.M. (2002)
"I don't like being close to other people"
"My privacy is more important to me than being close to others"
"It's best not to confide too much in others"
"Relationships are always messy"
"I manage best on my own and set my own standards"
"Intimate relations are unimportant to me"
Larsen R.J., Buss D.M. (2002)
I don't think that there's any risk that you will lose your bet. However, I think there's some value in what Spikey is saying and you should look into it.
Erpy, that (your first reply) was really funny and surprising.
Erpy, that (your first reply) was really funny and surprising.
I wish I knew someone like him - he's so funny.13) Watch "The Office". Make David Brent your personal role model.
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fluxmaster
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I don't think that avoiding any kind of romantic relationship for your entire life is a good idea, but if that is what you're determined to do, here is what I think:
I don't think that is possible to avoid the type of attention that you are talking about, unless you live in a monestary. That would be like trying to avoid all junk mail or all advertising.
As far as not hurting people's feelings, as long as you are honest with people you should not hurt their feelings. You can be polite without leading people on. If it seems appropriate, you may say that you have made a decision to remain celebate. If asked why, you may answer that it is a personal decision.
Rather than make the decision to remain celebate for your entire life, why don't you decide to remain celebate for the next few years. Then, in a few years, you can decide whether to renew the decision or not. Trying to get into a romantic relationship simply because it's "normal," when you have no interest in doing so, will do you no good. So, if celebacy is what's normal for you, then by all means pursue that route. I just don't see the point of making it a lifetime committment. You have nothing to prove to other people. If someone asks you whether you intent to remain celebate for life, you may simply say that you haven't thought that far ahead yet.
I don't think that is possible to avoid the type of attention that you are talking about, unless you live in a monestary. That would be like trying to avoid all junk mail or all advertising.
As far as not hurting people's feelings, as long as you are honest with people you should not hurt their feelings. You can be polite without leading people on. If it seems appropriate, you may say that you have made a decision to remain celebate. If asked why, you may answer that it is a personal decision.
Rather than make the decision to remain celebate for your entire life, why don't you decide to remain celebate for the next few years. Then, in a few years, you can decide whether to renew the decision or not. Trying to get into a romantic relationship simply because it's "normal," when you have no interest in doing so, will do you no good. So, if celebacy is what's normal for you, then by all means pursue that route. I just don't see the point of making it a lifetime committment. You have nothing to prove to other people. If someone asks you whether you intent to remain celebate for life, you may simply say that you haven't thought that far ahead yet.
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fluxmaster
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Yes, but when people are pushed to do things that they don't want, they often react by taking an extreme position when it is not necessary.Klitos wrote:I think you'll lead a very boring and lonely life with attitudes like that.
If Renodox does not want a romantic relationship right now, trying too hard to talk him into one may just make him more determined. I say just let him do what he wants, and if and when he gets too bored and too lonely he can decide whether he wants to do something different at that time.
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Cain Aleksandrovich
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Crazy (mostly)Americans. You people bamboozle me. Ren, it's against the laws of any deity or nature not to be able to procreate or to want to be social. THere's instances such as The Spikey One mentioned. Seriously, all Roswell activists aside, this is not normal, it could be a sign of future trouble in life. Myself, I don't wish to procreate, because call it karma, call it goes-around-comes-around, call it reap-what-you-sow, I am scared of having children after the tribulations I've put family and friends through. I'm also scared of being a bad father. I really don't think I shoudl have kids. What I need is a like-minded, slowly aging blonde, preferaby with lots of money and a decent rack. He, just floosin around. Still, I think it's impossible for any huanity not to have a physical or loving affection towards others, even to some degree, John Nash even got married and had a son.
Don't stop! I'm LOVING this!
Anyway, my dislike of these things is so far that it gets into my DREAMS. I have rejected a whole mess of people in my dreams (Some of which were weirder than others). Anyway, I say that it DOESN'T violate the laws of nature. If you read up on the sausage fly you'll find that it is the females that go after him AND it's not pleasent. His wings are clipped and he's dragged away.
As for the therapist thing: you sound like my mother. She's worried about the fact that I've already gone through my teenage years without once having a girlfriend.